So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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