the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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