Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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