I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
