Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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