Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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