i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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