Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
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In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
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You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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