There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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