Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
