We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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