watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.