HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
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I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
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nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING