i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.