he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people