Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions