SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
