Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
