i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
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There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
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It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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