That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
