Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
