did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
