Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
barbara walters just said penis...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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