People in love make me want to vomit
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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