I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
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i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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