the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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