If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize