I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
