textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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