I'm so fucking centered right now
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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