he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
