I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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