If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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