yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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