Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Enjoy the penises
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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