We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize