I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
