There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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