Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
