i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
