He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
