i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
