Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
