I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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