a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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