Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something