so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
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Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
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The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.