im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella