Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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