Small penises have feelings too.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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