either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
