eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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