Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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