dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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