I'm lost and stupid without you.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke