he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough