I think my fart just growled at me.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
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boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
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I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick