i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
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I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
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He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it