I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
it's not cheating when I paid for it
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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